Today, for the first time in my adult life, I have left a doctors office feeling somewhat satisfied. I usually leave feeling quite angry, mostly because I hate doctors. Whenever I actually break down and decide to see one they tend to not really tell me anything I don't already know. Except for the one time I left with lube in my ass where I basically learned the definition of "violated" but that's another story altogether. Today's visit was like a dream. A very cute and friendly Nurse Practitioner helped me out and actually fucking paid attention for once. After the check up, I wandered over to a desk where a dwarf handed me a prescription for steroids. Really. This really happened, and that's why this visit was like a dream. It was way better than those "you think this is really happening but you are actually just dreaming fool!" dreams I've had lately. Like the one when a cat broke into my room and walked on my face or the one where the office park on the edge of town built a Fuddrucker's. I drove by there a few days later and left pretty sad. Wasn't hungry at all, just in one of those "Hey look! Fuddrucker's!" moods we all sometimes get in. So yeah, hot chicks and steroids and dwarves, sounds like David Lynch film loosely revolving around baseball but no, it was just a damn routine doctors visit about why something inside my chest has been hurting for 2 months. Angry Isabella should make odds on potential conditions I may have. I'm putting $20 down on "torn rib cartilage".
While waiting to get chest x-rays my mind wandered and wished the x-ray technician resembled Bishop or Ripley from the Alien series. The thought of some gut-wrenching creature just waiting to burst out of my ribcage and destroy human society somehow brightened my day. Sadly, this is where the dream would end as the one that helped me resembled Ellen Degeneres more than anyone in any Alien film. That probably isn't too far from my original wish as I think it is. And an old woman in the radiology waiting room said "We grew up in the 40's, we knew how to make our own jelly" and it made...
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