cake...

For the record, I'm arguably the most sarcastic asshole that posts on this blog. For further proof check out this and then this. So today was the big day, the day of reckoning. Cake reckoning. If you have no idea what I am talking about you need to read those links I just posted. I'll wait.

You done yet?

Good.

So when I told my mom via my dad about me having a birthday cake based off the movie Fargo, one of two things was going to happen...

1. I was going to get a regular birthday cake and a big pile of shame.
2. It was going to be awesome.

Being that my mom went to the establishment known as Niko's Cakes less than a week ago and ordered a "Fargo themed cake" from a confused, elderly Greek man who has probably never seen anything the Coen brothers have ever done, the second option was ultimately the one that happened. Without further ado...

Remember when the Lundegaards went cross country skiing at the base of a mountain in Aspen? No? Me either.

Is this the scene where Marge and Norm Gunderson went on a romantic ski retreat and conceived their child?

Remember this scene when Carl Showalter and Gaear Grimsrud go skiing together after going to Pancakes House and Carl got put through a wood chipper. Oops, SPOILERS! Anyway, that didn't actually happen in the film. So what's going on here exactly? Is this cake based off some deleted scenes? No, it's definitely not. Except for the concept of "winter" there are absolutely no similarities between this cake and the movie Fargo. That's because, despite of excellent craftsmanship, THERE ARE NO MOUNTAINS IN FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA! It's not really a bad cake but this thing is wildly inaccurate and by no means Oscar™ caliber. It's way more elaborate than any set design in that entire film with the exception of that huge Paul Bunyan Statue. This thing was the real deal though, that mountain wasn't just a pile of frosting, no, there was definitely a cake-like center to it. I guess if you want an accurate looking cake you actually need to give the baker, like, details and shit. Maybe a picture? Netflix subscription? Plane ticket to the upper midwest? Despite all that, it was delicious. I listened to the theme from Fargo while I ate which at least added some realism to this fiasco. And by "fiasco" I mean "best goddamn birthday ever".

A very special "thank you" to my parents for encouraging my bullshit, everyone that made Fargo, Niko of Niko's Cakes and Neko Case because that's almost the same thing as Niko's Cakes. And because she's really hot. If you are reading this Neko have a happy birthday if you are reading this on your birthday.