Times are tough. Fox news told me so. And poor people often say you can have all the money in the world but you can't get more time. Well I think those people are fucking liars. So check this peeps...I've had the same alarm clock for 17 years. No shit...it even has a place for audio cassettes that you can wake to. Over the years I have mastered the one-hand blind alarm slap to buy me an extra 7 minutes of snooze time. I heart the snooze...it is my only AM friend besides coffee and porn.
But alas it has seen better days so off to Exxon for a new one. So this new clock, all the bells and whistles, including AM AND FM radio and a dimmer for the light. It's like mood lighting in a pinch. But most notably this clock has a FIVE minute snooze alarm. Unfortunately, I cannot shake my pattern of hitting the snooze 7 times each morning. So now, instead of 49 minutes of snooze, i'm banking 35 minutes of snooze. And you won't believe this... I FEEL the same as I did before. Just as refreshed.
So meet me over at the math chalk board. 14 minutes a day saved, times 5 days a week, times 52 weeks a year. Presto! I just bought your ass another TWO AND HALF DAYS A YEAR for FREE! Where's your 3conomics now Wendy's??
You're welcome faithful readers.
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