There are two things I like in this world, and they are both bathroom attendants. I think that is what they are called anyway...what else do you call the guy who sits in the bathroom and waits with bated breath for the opportunity to be THE GUY that hands you a towel. God I love him. Sometimes I wash both my arms and my face just so he can hand me a couple of towels. Then I'm all over his potpourri of crap...I'll get a stick of Wrigley's, maybe a spritz of knock-off Drakkar Noir, a Trojan or two, maybe a spearamint candy. It's like Christmas got kicked in the junk by Halloween and all I wanted to do was take a pee!
I am getting off topic a bit.
So last night I go to the bathroom. (It's a tradition I've incorporated in to average nights of drinking. Has something to do with a bladder and gravity. ) I'm doing my thing at urinal #3 and the bathroom attendant is literally whistling Dixie. I finish and approach his office - the sink counter. He asks me how I'm doing and I respond with "Not as good as you apparently." I asked him why he is so happy and he says:
"In life, as long as you are walking on the dirt and the dirt isn't walking on you, everything is alright..."
I still have no idea what this mean, but it gave me a tremendous sense of serenity. I almost curled up in his lap and asked him to read me a story like only Uncle Nigel could. I must have repeated this nugget of wisdom 100 times last night and it never got old.
If your job is to watch people piss and shit all day, you come up with some pretty outstanding philosophies on life. I have a tendency to start features on B&M only to never have a second edition. My pledge to you, the reader, is to collect more shit on life from those whose life is to watch shit. And that is why this will be known as the 1st Edition.
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