driving...

Recently on my commute either to or from work, I have noticed a fascinating new trend. It's an overload of "patriotic" cars. I know there was a huge surge of these circa September 12th, 2001 but as we know all trends eventually "dwindle". Remember Hypercolor shirts? The prominence of these patriot vehicles eventually evolved into the whole "Support Our Troops" magnetic ribbon craze of 2003 which somehow eventually turned into the "I support Autism" magnetic ribbons which have puzzle pieces on them which I find incredibly mean. Anyone else? Ok, so here goes with the garden variety "Holy Shit! This is Fuckin' A-M-E-R-I-C-A" kind....

Nothing too out of the ordinary here. You can see cars with flags on them anywhere, this guy is just doing it right. Putting a miniature flag on your vehicle just means you are putting in a fraction of the effort in. Full size flag = the real deal. This man is much better at being American than you could ever be. I was born on July 4th but I may as well have never been born at all because of this guy. I think if given the proper chance, he could shoot and maim a foreign invader with a gun he made out of Playboy magazines and a bullet made of his own blood. He'd purposely not shoot any vital zones just so he could take them out barehanded later. Moving right along....

This one is a bit trickier to see but that wheel cover is basically an Obama logo with a Ghostbusters™ style red circle with a big red line going through it. The big red line says "NOBAMA". I couldn't get a shot of each of the four tires but they all actually looked like this as well, just blurrier. This driver isn't that smart. They are basically telling the world they doubt the existence of a person (Barack Obama) yet made the most crucial mistake which is use his logo and name to prove their theory. This is the same as trying to disprove the existence of the Holocaust by showing us your "bitchin' swastika tattoo". Which brings us to the next level...

Yes. One Big Ass Mistake America. That's all I can say. The quality of this vehicle is astounding. On the left of that (miniature) American flag it says "Unlimited Taxe$$$" and this is wonderful because I have no idea what that actually means. On the opposite side it states "Trillion$$$ for Pork" and is a tremendous addition to the cause. It really seems like the completely out there conspiracy aspect of this. "Obama is spending trillions on pork to make swine flu and kill your unborn children and horses that you would have eventually bought for them! That's right, horses! Plural! You would have become that rich and loved your future dead children that much! They would have deserved and loved them!". Also, I absolutely adore that this man has limited edition Red Sox license plates. A conspiracy theorist/baseball fanatic. A true gem of a human being. 

If this trend continues at the present rate, I expect to see a man of color being dragged behind a pick up truck by the end of next month.