Milk Does the Body Good

So I'm taking these continuing education courses in photography at the local college. (I do it all for you the readers...I want you to get the best in blog photog). Well last night there was this new girl in class...apparently a transfer from the day class. The only reason I noticed her was because she had a question about how to get to the field trip on Saturday.


"Where is Interstate 30?", she asked
"You mean that 8 lane major highway about a mile north of here?", replied the prof.
"Well I don't live around here," she confidently retorted.


Hmmmm. Well...yes you do live around here. Because you are in class here, and people don't drive too too far for a photography night course. And you are in Texas. And if you are in Texas you are either from that town in Texas, or from another part of the country and you find learning the two or three major roads in your new city useful.


It was a brief chuckle. Almost like you were not sure if she was serious or not so you didn't know how hard to laugh. Like if I were drinking milk, it would have come out of my nose, but like a spray...more like a trickle.


So an hour or so later we pass in our homework on flash drives. It's a photography course...so we basically just look at everyone else's work. One by one the drives are inserted into the pc and then displayed on the overhead. The professor gets about half way through and then more hilarity ensues.


"Whose drive is this? Which one is your homework?", the clearly confused prof asks.
"It's one of the 'A1's", my new favorite student (from above) replies.


The screen is littered with folders from her flash drive. EVERY folder is named "A1something". Every folder. Probably 25 on the screen (and clearly more below if you scrolled) were called A1something.


"Try A1PHOTO", she yells, almost mocking him for not trying it.


The folder contains 3 files:

• broken_childhood_hate.ppt
• broken_dreams_hate.ppt
• notanothertime.doc

I'm not making this up. I can't remember how I reacted. I think it was shock. If I were drinking milk it would have started running out of my mouth and down my chin.


Then pure gold.


"Go back one, try A1PhotoClass folder", she corrected herself

"Care to comment on that [what we just saw]", the prof inquired clearly hoping not to get a response.

"Oh, I name all my folders with A1 so the important ones always appear on top", she said proudly as if to lay to rest any possible question you had about her intellect or organizational skills.


I couldn't fill my lungs up with air fast enough to keep up with my laughter. The damn student chair/desk contraption was keeping me in place when I clearly just wanted to fall on the ground laughing. If I were drinking milk it would have been spewed into the air so high that by the time it came down it would have covered the class with cottage cheese.

I have never had so many questions for one person, but she left class too fast. And I fear she will not be back...only because she is in the day class. I don't think the laughter and confusion phased her one bit. I would give all my breast milk for the next ten years away for one hour with her, and one hour with her flash drive.

driving...

Recently on my commute either to or from work, I have noticed a fascinating new trend. It's an overload of "patriotic" cars. I know there was a huge surge of these circa September 12th, 2001 but as we know all trends eventually "dwindle". Remember Hypercolor shirts? The prominence of these patriot vehicles eventually evolved into the whole "Support Our Troops" magnetic ribbon craze of 2003 which somehow eventually turned into the "I support Autism" magnetic ribbons which have puzzle pieces on them which I find incredibly mean. Anyone else? Ok, so here goes with the garden variety "Holy Shit! This is Fuckin' A-M-E-R-I-C-A" kind....

Nothing too out of the ordinary here. You can see cars with flags on them anywhere, this guy is just doing it right. Putting a miniature flag on your vehicle just means you are putting in a fraction of the effort in. Full size flag = the real deal. This man is much better at being American than you could ever be. I was born on July 4th but I may as well have never been born at all because of this guy. I think if given the proper chance, he could shoot and maim a foreign invader with a gun he made out of Playboy magazines and a bullet made of his own blood. He'd purposely not shoot any vital zones just so he could take them out barehanded later. Moving right along....

This one is a bit trickier to see but that wheel cover is basically an Obama logo with a Ghostbusters™ style red circle with a big red line going through it. The big red line says "NOBAMA". I couldn't get a shot of each of the four tires but they all actually looked like this as well, just blurrier. This driver isn't that smart. They are basically telling the world they doubt the existence of a person (Barack Obama) yet made the most crucial mistake which is use his logo and name to prove their theory. This is the same as trying to disprove the existence of the Holocaust by showing us your "bitchin' swastika tattoo". Which brings us to the next level...

Yes. One Big Ass Mistake America. That's all I can say. The quality of this vehicle is astounding. On the left of that (miniature) American flag it says "Unlimited Taxe$$$" and this is wonderful because I have no idea what that actually means. On the opposite side it states "Trillion$$$ for Pork" and is a tremendous addition to the cause. It really seems like the completely out there conspiracy aspect of this. "Obama is spending trillions on pork to make swine flu and kill your unborn children and horses that you would have eventually bought for them! That's right, horses! Plural! You would have become that rich and loved your future dead children that much! They would have deserved and loved them!". Also, I absolutely adore that this man has limited edition Red Sox license plates. A conspiracy theorist/baseball fanatic. A true gem of a human being. 

If this trend continues at the present rate, I expect to see a man of color being dragged behind a pick up truck by the end of next month.

Media loses focus

Arod this.  Arod that.  Joba has asthma.  Damon is retarded.  Pettitte is old.  Chein-Ming Wang is simply not good at baseball.  Damaso Marte was basically cut from the Pirates.  The new stadium is expensive.  The new stadium allows too many home runs.  Yogi Berra is senile.  Steinbrenner's heart stopped weeks ago.

Hey Media!  Come on here!

I just don't want to go so far down this road that we all forget Jeter has the gay.

Lexus is cheaper if you get a Nissan

I've been on the road a bit the past couple of weeks and as such I get to eat lunch-like meals at 7-11.  I normally get a taquito, bag of Fritos or Doritos and a water or some asinine energy drink if the label makes me laugh.

Today upon check-out, the cashier told me that if I got a big bite (hot dog), a fountain drink and "7-Select" chips, it would only cost $2.99.  I told him that was good to know but that is not what I wanted.  He stared at me with a confused look and seemingly refused to scan my items.  I asked him if I should go the other register and he HONESTLY TOLD ME that he didn't understand why I wouldn't want the $2.99 deal, and grudgingly rang me up.

As I was leaving I heard him make a smart ass comment to the guy behind me as he was checking out.  So I went to the car and dropped my lunchish concoction off.

Then I went back in, asked the other cashier for a big bite, grabbed a pack of 7-select chips and an empty fountain soda cup.  I opened the chips and took a mouthful, bit off the end of the hot dog, spit it in the cup and put it on the counter.

And I just looked at him and said "This is why I didn't get the special, because I don't want any of these things."

When I was unhatching this idea in my head as I walked back in I was just going to walk out at this point.  But I kinda felt bad and the other cashier was laughing at my cashier, so I gave him $3 but dumped the takepenny tray out for taxes.

The whole thing just really pissed me off.  Was this just an upselling training gone wrong?  Does anyone ever bite on this pitch?

Fucked economy lesson #1 - Things are cheaper if you adjust what your expectations of what you think you want are, and what you think would satisfy that need could be.

AdenHEART

ANAHEIM, Calif. -- Los Angeles Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart and two others were killed by a suspected drunk driver Thursday, a shocking end to the life of a rookie who had overcome major elbow surgery to realize his big league dreams.

There are few things in life sadder than someone going before their time.  One such thing that is sadder though is when you die early and you play for the Angels. The next few days will be incredibly difficult for the Adenhart family, but mainly because of the asinine attempts to make Adenhart an emanation of a supreme divine being...an angel if you will.  Think of how many sports writers, talk show hosts and eulogists will adhere to the coincidence like a gay disco sponsored by Zima.  When NASCAR legend Dick Trickle had a bladder infection, that was just funny.  But Adenhart is plain sad.

RIP NA.

March Sadness

In sports, if you tie, they say it is like kissing your sister.  Well then watching UNC win anything must be like a gang bang with your mother, aunt and grandmas (both sides of the family) with grandpa standing in the background taunting you for a weak performance.

Seriously, could one school any more readily embody everything that is wrong with college sports?  You have a collection of McDonald's All-American's that forgo a chance to play for a school that has anything to do with their heritage in exchange for less playtime, being surrounded by studs that will cover for your heartless and gutless performances, make you wear baby blue, and shove North Carolina bull shit down your throat until you wake up with Antawn Jamison's mom tattooed on your back.

So congrats to Missouri, Pennsylvania, Maryland, New York, and California...the respective homes of the UNC starting five (Hansbrough, Elllington, Lawson, Green and Thompson)!  And congrats to UNC for exposing your state as a fraud.  I can't wait to see if the magical Roy Williams can "rebuild" again while only recruiting five of the top ten heartless players in the world!  What a joke.  The only good news that came from tonight is that the Michigan roads are icy and slippery and UNC is traveling by bus.  

Good luck sucking in the NBA jezebels.