dad...

Today is Monday. On Saturday I threw a party. I will write more about it later when I can fathom all the details of what actually happened. It's hard knowing all those details with the amount of booze consumed that night. Also, I kinda time travelled because I literally slept the entire day on Sunday, but who knows, that could've been those Klonopins. All I know is that it was definitely the best party ever and if you missed it you REALLLLY missed out. Anyway, here is a phone conversation I had today with my dad. Things that you need to know about this conversation are...

1 ) my roommate "Chang" is the groundskeeper of the property we live on.

2 ) for this party I borrowed two huge buckets from my folks to use as coolers for beer.

3 ) right before this phone call I had just finished drinking a beer that I found in my closet that I apparently left in there on Saturday and did not finish.

4 ) if someone decided to make my life a movie, the guy they'd cast as my dad, without question would be Jeff Goldblum.

5 ) all of this is completely real.*

Dad - So, uhh, I overheard your mother talking on the phone to your cousin about your party the other night.... something about a flamethrower? What's that all about?

Me - Industrial grade blowtorch, yeah. Chang has it for removing small brush around the property. He used it to start a fire in the firepit in our back yard.

Dad - Aah, I see. So... besides a 'blowtorch', what else did you guys have?

Me - Well, I dressed up in a gorilla suit but instead of a gorilla head I had a bunny mask.

Dad - Gorilla suit... okay, what else?

Me - There was a slip and slide...

Dad - Aaaaaaah, a slip and slide! You should have told us! We would've been there!

Me - Well it's still here if you want to come over.

Dad - Nah, that's ok. Umm, let's see what else, do you have those buckets?

Me - Yup.

Dad - Can you bring those over for our party on Friday? Are you working that day?

Me - I'm not working that day so yeah, I'll bring them over sometime before then.

Dad - Your mother wants to know what kind of cake you want for your birthday...

Me - I would like a cake based on the movie Fargo.

Dad - You would like a cake based on the movie Fargo?

Me - Yeah... (trying desparately not to laugh at this)

Dad - What do you mean exactly?

Me - I'm thinking, like, a white sheet cake with a mini Steve Buscemi on there burying a bag of money... you know, in the frosting.

Dad - So you want a cake based on a scene of that movie and not on a cake that they had in that movie?

Me - Exactly! Do you want to borrow the DVD to see what I'm talking about?

Dad - Yeah, sure

We went on to talk about music and how he wants to be in a sweet instrumental band that covers OutKast and how I have to drop off buckets and a DVD this week. Things are looking good on that Fargo cake, more to report soon!!!!

* I swear I'm not lying